Selecting the Appropriate Approach
How Parents Can Effectively Act, Not React, When Using Natural and Logical Consequences With Their Children According to Drs. Donald Dinkmeyer and Gary McKay, children are often reinforced by their parents’ reactions. The following are ways to remember to “Act-Not React.” 1. When using natural or logical consequences, remember to always remain calm, give choices, and be willing to accept the child’s decision. 2. Three effective approaches to improving the parent-child relationship– 1. Reflective listening and Exploring Alternatives 2. I-messages. What is an example of an I message? “When you don’t follow directions, I get upset” 3. Natural and logical consequences. 3. The approach you will select will depend on who owns the problem (the parent or the child), and how effective each approach will be for your own child. 4. Children will sometimes use and repeat problems to gain your attention or sympathy. 5. Some things children do should be ignored. Ignoring is a form of logical consequence. 6. When a relationship is improving, consequences will not have to be used as frequently. 7. Encouragement is important with all three approaches. Each approach expresses acceptance of the child, faith in their problem solving and respect for the child. |
The Penn Wood Guidance Department utilizes the Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP) program and the accompanying Parent's Handbook, which provides skills training for parents dealing with frequently encountered challenges with their children that often result from autocratic parenting styles.
STEP is rooted in Adlerian psychology and promotes a more participatory family structure by fostering responsibility, independence, and competence in children; improving communication between parents and children; and helping children learn from the natural and logical consequences of their own choices. If you would like to consult about parenting challenges you are experiencing with your child or you would like further information about the Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (S.T.E.P.) program, please contact me in the guidance office. |